Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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