I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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