i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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