Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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