cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
