i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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