I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
