Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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