butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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