One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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