"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
