last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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