i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
