I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
