tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
