Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
