What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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