I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
