he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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