Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
