i just had sex bonerless
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
