meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
