No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
