I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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