Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
