I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
