When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
