He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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