Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
