You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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