who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
