Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
