I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
