I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
