So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
And then he peed in my hair
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