My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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