I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize