Can i not drive my cunt home
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
