Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
