your parents love me but you hate me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
