Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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