dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
