I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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