i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my shit smells like andre
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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