She is in my trunk
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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