Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
