The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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