i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
