I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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