Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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