I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
