Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
