what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
