Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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