cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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