Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
