Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
