ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
