I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
