i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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