grandma shit on top of the toilet
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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