we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
