Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
