now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
