Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
