Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
