see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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