break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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