i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
