Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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