The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
