Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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